ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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