I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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