What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize