He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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