What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
should my penis look like a turkey
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize