Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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