Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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