So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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