Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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