guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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