Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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