Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
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