you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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