saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Someone shattered a urinal.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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