We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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