areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
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I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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