I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize