I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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