State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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