I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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