It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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