i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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