And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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