The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize