let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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