escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize