she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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