She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
this hospital has no fireball
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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