Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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