Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
