I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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