And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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