Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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