I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
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So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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