Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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