There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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