sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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