You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize