Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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