I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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