Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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