Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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