I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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