I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
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See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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