Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize