ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize