I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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