Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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