Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize