the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize